Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
