She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
