i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
