I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
