could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
