i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
