There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
