i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
