So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
