Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
