My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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