Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
