me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
