peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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