we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
