dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
