Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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