My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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