yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
