dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
