he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
