They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
