And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
