Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
