Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
