My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
