I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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