god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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