i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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