Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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