when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
