Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
