don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
