So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I still have a little drunk in my system
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
