You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
whose parrot is this?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
