We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
