My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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