My cat gives me a boner
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
