Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fill condoms, not promises.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
