This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
