4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
