My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
