I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
