i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
