I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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