Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
whose parrot is this?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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