Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't deserve a penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who died my cat blue again?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
