Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
