I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
