you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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