I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
