Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
