the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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