Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
