you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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